Hi, my name is Peter and ever since I’ve been knee-high to a Zombie I’ve been into horror in all its forms. It started with the various “video nasties” circulating at the time (back in the day) and continued with writers such as Stephen King and James Herbert. But it was H.P. Lovecraft who finally convinced me that I needed to belong to this dark genre. His first story I experienced was “The Temple”. Set in 1917 – and during the First World War – it depicts the crew of a German submarine going mad one by one as they become lost in an unknown ocean…

I was gripped as Lovecraft transported me to a sinister, horrific world where his human characters were often ripped to shreds by the creatures of his Cthulhu Mythos (or sent into the black abyss of madness). So if Mr Lovecraft is up there looking down at me (or even – down there and looking up at me) I’m sure he’ll understand any dark visions that come my way.

History is another interest of mine with World War Two getting a lot of attention, particularly the fighting on the Eastern Front (and the military vehicles involved). I think if a female were to get me a book on German/Russian tanks, I’d happily be her slave for a while…

I’ve also had a reasonable interest in the occult and witchcraft. One hapless attempt at a spell resulted not in the appearance of Mephistopheles, but rather the candle coming close to burning the room down. On reflection, I’m not sure if any kind of apparition would have wanted to be involved with an earthbound twit who thought it a sensible idea to leave a burning candle on the highest bookshelf with polystyrene ceiling tiles overhead.

Moving swiftly on, I also like travel and have been to quite a number of Eastern European countries including Russia, Ukraine, and Transylvania. This brings back a few choice memories such as getting shouted at by Russian cops outside the Winter Palace (in St. Petersburg) for jaywalking. They were about to book me but I was saved by Katya who managed to fob them off and extricate me from the situation. It’s a pity she wasn’t there the next day when I was robbed by the Russian police (different ones) who thought I was carrying drugs and used that as an excuse to search me and lift my wallet. The day after that I got completely pissed with the Russian family I was staying with, staggered back to my room, and promptly threw up into a handkerchief. I must say it took the unpleasant delivery very well and saved the day. For a time I thought about creating “anti-vomit handkerchiefs” but haven’t found the time to develop the idea.

Anyhow, I’m going to end with Lovecraft.

‘…but I shall never sleep calmly again when I think of the horrors that lurk ceaselessly behind life in time and in space, and of those unhallowed blasphemies from elder stars which dream beneath the sea, known and favoured by a nightmare cult ready and eager to loose them on the world whenever another earthquake shall heave their monstrous stone city again to the sun and air.’

H.P. Lovecraft

Cheers

Peter

 

A Quick Rant…

I was going to provide some new details about myself – like my favourite colour is blue etc. (which it is) but instead I thought I’d moan about the damn state of the road network which is haunting me a lot these days. Having sustained yet another small puncture I felt compelled to write a complaining email to Surrey Council. I was expecting a reasoned reply but, instead, I was told they’re “quite busy” or some other such guff. It seems they’re time-poor but well-furnished in the laziness department and have been for years. Of course it’s quite possible this is deliberate: perhaps they’re waiting for the many potholes to join up so they can use the deepening trenches littering our roads as mass graves. I can imagine scruffy Surrey Council jobsworths chucking Aunty Mavis (a fag still between her nicotine-stained fingers) into a tarry pit to save on the cost of using up the dwindling space in our crumbling church grounds. And this leads me to ponder: why is everything so crap?

Put Count Dracula in charge – that’s what I say – and set his Zombie Minions onto the Surrey Council workers. I’d enjoy hearing their wavering screams and seeing the blood flow. There could be a booted, severed leg here; a tattered hand (still clutching a half-eaten cheese sandwich) there…mmm that sounds just the ticket.

What annoys me more is that they can afford to put up millions of these intrusive cameras which spy on you if you’ve parked in the wrong place, are speeding, or driving in a bus lane (every one of which lands us with a fine) but they can’t give us decent roads to drive on in the first place.

Are we slowly becoming a police state? After all, they know more and more about us these days. What are we going to end up with? If a camera catches you scratching your bum while driving are you going to get a £75 bill in the post?

Put Count Dracula in charge – that’s what I say. Yes, people are going to go missing but I still think the pale, blood-drained corpses (caused by his activity) will have more vigour about them than the moribund “workers” of Surrey Council…

Yours Rantingly

Peter